Keith was excited when he heard that Brad was visiting, but he also sensed that something was wrong. He tried to worm information out of me.

‘I don’t know, honey,’ I said, tousling his hair. ‘Why don’t you ask him when he arrives tomorrow.’

Keith muttered something rude under his breath, but made no protest when I asked him to pick Brad up at the airport on Friday evening because I had an appointment I could not reschedule. By the time I got home, Keith had started dinner and he and Brad were sitting comfortably around the kitchen table. I pulled Brad to me and gave him a strong hug. I hadn’t seen him in almost six months, and I missed the kid.

I pushed him away, holding him at arms length, and peered into his face. ‘So how you doing huh?’ I asked.

‘I’m good. Good to be here and glad to see you both again. Just needed to feel … a bit of home!’ Brad said with a dramatic sigh.

Keith and I exchanged a look.I said, ‘Let me get out of these clothes, then we can have dinner and catch up. What you cooking sweetheart? It smells good.’Keith had actually improved his cooking skills and came up with some surprises every now and then – good surprises, that is.

He got up to stir the pot and grinned back cheekily at me. ‘It’s a surprise!’

‘Yeah, that’s because he has no idea what he just made,’ Brad said dryly and Keith laughed.

I left the two of them to their friendly banter and went up to have a quick shower and change. Dinner was amiable and relaxing, with all of us enjoying Keith’s thick chicken and potato stew. I opened up a bottle of wine and we lingered over it, chatting easily with one another.

‘So what happened with Joshua?’ I asked casually.

Brad shrugged his shoulders, like a duck brushing the water off its back. ‘We woke up one morning, and decided it wasn’t going to work. He packed up his stuff and moved out.’

‘Aha,’ I said, a little wearily. Brad, like me, had accepted his homosexuality at an early age, and unlike me, had gone confidently forward to tumble into first one gay relationship then another, with the ease of a watermelon rolling down a hill. And like the said watermelon, when it landed, it invariably got bruised and cracked.

‘So is there someone else now?’ I asked, a little fearfully.

Keith got up and started to clear the dishes. I knew Keith was a little uncomfortable with Brad’s cavalier attitude towards changing partners. I was infinitely grateful that even though Keith socialized freely, he was always selective about his partners. Very much like Steve and me.

‘I don’t really know. I am not sure what is happening actually …’

I tried not to shake my head at him. ‘What IS happening?’ I pursued. If he needed to take time off work and fly all the way to see us, I was sure something was brewing. ‘You in any kind of trouble?’ I finally asked when he remained quiet.

‘No,’ he said, but not very convincingly.

‘Keith darling, why don’t you go on up and shower? Leave the rest, I’ll clear up.’

Keith shot me a venomous glare, but took himself off.

‘All right Brad,’ I said, ‘what have you done?’

He twirled his wine glass around and kept his eyes lowered. ‘Haven’t done anything … I just feel weird.’

‘Start from the top,’ I ordered firmly.

It wasn’t difficult to get Brad to talk. He was much easier prey than Keith, who could keep an obstinate silence for days if he was so inclined. He peered at me from below his lashes and said. ‘After Joshua, I just felt – like something was wrong with me.’

‘How wrong?’

‘Well, have you noticed that all my ‘gay’ relationships fail?’

I looked up at the white ceiling but kept silent.

‘Something always happens and nothing works out. Maybe it’s me; maybe I’m not meant to be with guys! I just got tired of it all.’

‘And what caused this sudden insight, hm?’

‘Well, Shaun called and he gave me a REALLY tough time. You know how he is with people like us.’

I grinned suddenly. ‘People like us?’

‘Yeah … you know. He thinks it’s a matter of lifestyle choice – being gay I mean.’

I grunted. ‘He is entitled to his opinion. So since when has what he said mattered to you? Come to think of it, since when has what any of us said mattered enough to you to make you change your behavior?’

‘Aw c’mon! Don’t you be giving me a hard time as well. Shaun kept telling me how much it was my fault for hanging out with all the wrong kind of people. Like he has never made an ill judgment or taken a wrong step in his life,’ he muttered under his breath. ‘But it got me thinking. What if he’s right?'

‘Oh please!’ I said impatiently.

‘Shaun is so perfect! He has never down anything stupid, has he?’ Brad said with bitterness.

‘Of course he has - plenty of times. And you know it too, so don’t you be letting him tell you otherwise. Thing is, he is lucky to have found someone like Maggie. Marriage has been good for him. Maggie keeps him in line, that’s what I think!’

‘Yeah well, it didn’t stop him giving me a class A lecture – worse than any of yours, I might add – and telling me to reconsider my sexual orientation. Before I became a total failure, he said.’

‘What?’ I exclaimed, fuming inwardly. I would be having a few words with Shaun myself pretty soon. I wasn’t so much mad at Shaun for suggesting alternative options, as for him making Brad feel insecure.

‘Yes,’ Brad said in a sad voice, ‘and that’s what I did. I … um … decided to try dating girls …’

My mouth must have hung open, because Brad kept gesturing at me to close it.

‘I did,’ he affirmed dejectedly. ‘Went out with a few of them.’ He shuddered. ‘I tell ya! It’s too much work. They never tell you what they mean so you gotta figure it out. God! They can be SO sensitive. I just don’t understand how their minds work.’

I laughed. Brad looked at me crossly. ‘It’s not funny!’

‘You are right, I’m sorry!’ I said, making an effort not to laugh. ‘So, how did it go?’

Brad made a face. ‘Confusing most of the time. I kept checking out other guys – and thinking how cute they were. And then I’d remember I was on a date with a GIRL! It was terrible! Do you know what its like? There I was sitting opposite this girl – my date - and my eyes kept wandering off to this hot guy sitting at another table, who was eyeing me back! She got really mad and she didn’t even know why! She never caught on!’

‘Oh Brad!’ I said, my voice shaking.

I noticed Keith lingering in the hallway, and called out to him. I opened my arms, and he came willingly, allowing me to pull him onto my lap. I wrapped my arms around Keith and breathed in deeply, enjoying the feel of his freshly showered body. Brad looked a little wistful.

‘Hey kiddo,’ I said, in the voice I knew would draw Brad’s attention fully. ‘You listen to me. Only you know what you want to do with your life. Not Shaun. Not even me. You do what you feel comfortable doing. Date the girls if you want, or don’t date them if they don’t feel right for you. As long as you don’t hurt anyone, as long as you are honest with yourself - that’s all you have to worry about. I will handle Shaun.’

Brad sighed, and slumped back in his chair, looking tired and defeated. My heart went out to him. ‘Why don’t you go and get ready for bed? You’ve had a long day. We’ll talk some more tomorrow.’

Brad nodded and got to his feet.

After he had left the kitchen, I looked up at Keith and brushed the damp hair off his forehead. ‘Hey there.’ I said softly, looking into his troubled eyes.

‘Hey,’ he returned, and rested his head on mine. ‘I heard what Brad said.’

‘Yeah. He’s going through a rough time.’

Keith sighed. ‘Its terrible when your family expects you to be different.’

I rubbed his back sympathetically. ‘I know baby. That was how it was with you too, wasn’t it?’

Keith’s voice was low and held a note of pain. ‘Yes. They never understood either. They thought that if they talked to me enough about it, I would wake up one day and realized I was a straight guy.’

I held him tighter. We’d gone over this before and come to accept that some things could not be changed. ‘It’s ok babe. I’ve got you now.’

‘What can we do to help?’‘Being here with us helps, I guess. We’ll just listen, and let him talk through it. Only he knows the answer.’

* * *